The One Mistake I Keep Seeing Parents Make
He’s one of the hardest workers I know. A high school athlete with a packed schedule — weights before school, practice after, weekend showcases, and a personal trainer on the side. On paper, he’s doing everything right. His swing looks great. He’s physically stronger than ever.
But after a recent session, he sat down across from me and asked quietly, “Why do I still feel like I’m not good enough?”
That question hits harder than any training rep.
And the truth is — I’ve been hearing versions of it over and over again lately. It’s become a theme with the athletes I coach and mentor, especially the high schoolers. They look like they have it all together from the outside, but underneath, they’re carrying weight most people never see.
That’s why I want to talk about the one mistake I keep seeing parents make.
The Mistake
Most parents overvalue skill development and undervalue mental and emotional development.
It’s not because they don’t care — it’s actually the opposite. Parents deeply love their kids and want to help them succeed. So they do what seems helpful: private lessons, extra training, more reps, more games.
Because skill development is measurable. It’s visible. You can watch a swing improve or see a shot go in more often. It feels like progress is being made.
But the real struggles? They’re invisible.
And that’s where the problem lies.
What I’m Seeing Behind the Scenes
I work with high school athletes every week. And beneath the stats and schedules, here’s what they’re telling me:
“I’m scared of messing up.”
“I don’t know who I am without sports.”
“I feel like I have to perform to be loved.”
These are not physical problems. They’re identity problems. Fear problems. Pressure problems. And you can’t fix those with more reps.
You can’t put a band-aid on an invisible wound and expect it to heal.
Why It Happens
So why do we lean so hard into physical development and neglect the mental side?
It’s easier to measure.
You can track a 60-yard dash or hitting velocity. But how do you track belief? Confidence? Emotional resilience?The feedback is faster.
More lessons = immediate progress. Mental growth is slow, internal, and often silent.It feels productive.
Skill training gives a sense of control — “We’re doing something!” But mental work feels ambiguous. “Are we even making progress?”
So we fill our kids' schedules. We keep them busy. We keep the train moving.
But at what cost?
The Trade-Off
In our rush to help them “make it,” we’re unintentionally trading being busy for becoming.
We invest in their swing, but not their soul.
We build their skills, but forget their sense of self.
We train their body, but neglect their heart and mind.
And the result?
A generation of high-performing kids who are quietly wondering if they’re good enough — and unsure of who they are when the game ends.
What They Really Need
The greatest gift you can give your child isn’t another training session — it’s a safe space.
A space where they are seen.
Where failure isn’t feared.
Where identity isn’t tied to outcome.
Where they are reminded: You’re not valuable because of what you do. You’re valuable because of who you are.
That kind of space builds confident, secure kids.
And confident, secure kids? They make the best competitors.
Because when performance is an expression of who you are — not a test of your worth — you play freer. You lead better. You last longer.
Final Thought
If you’re a parent reading this, hear me clearly: skill development matters. Keep helping your child grow and train.
But don’t miss the more important work — the invisible work — of developing who they’re becoming on the inside.
Because in the long, winding road of life and sports, identity outlasts performance.
And that might just be the most important training you ever invest in.
Want to go deeper?
If you’re wondering what might be going on beneath the surface in your athlete’s world, I’d love to help. Sometimes all it takes is one intentional conversation to start uncovering what’s really happening behind the performance.
Click the link below to schedule your free discovery call today.
